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Blood, Sweat, and Gears/Transcript
DISCLAIMER CHI-CHI: (with Goku screaming his head off in the background) The following is a non-profit, fan-based parody. DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by FUNimation, TOEI Animation, Fuji TV, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release. (cut to Android 17 smashing the head of Dr. Gero and everyone minus Trunks looking appalled. Android 17 smiles and begins to walk towards Android 18) KRILLIN: So does this mean they're on our side? (Trunks yells and transforms into a Super Saiyan before firing an energy blast at the androids, making Krillin scream and dive for cover, and blowing up the mountainside) SEQUENCE (cut to an outside shot of Dr. Gero's lab being decimated from Trunks' blast) KRILLIN: (he along with everyone else has escaped the blast) Well, that settles that. You're definitely Vegeta's kid. VEGETA: So, you done throwing a hissy fit? TRUNKS: At least I did something instead of just standing there staring at them! KRILLIN: We do do that a lot. (the androids appear unharmed through the smoke of the explosion and are standing on top of a cliff with Android 18 holding the pod over her head) TRUNKS: What? They're still alive? But that was my strongest blast! VEGETA: So you just assumed they were destroyed, then? KRILLIN: (off-screen) We do that a lot, too. VEGETA: Besides, what exactly changed from you in the future and now? TRUNKS: More than I thought, less than you think... ANDROID 17: Man, mystery kid up there sure is cranky. I think someone needs a nap. ANDROID 18: Whatever. (throws the pod on the ground) Let's just pop this bad boy open. (presses a button to open the pod) POD: Initializing update one of one thousand four hundred thirty... ANDROID 18: Yeah, screw that. (kicks the lid off the pod) (Android 16, a green android with a red mohawk, awakens and emerges from his pod) ANDROID 17: Man, you are a tall bastard. So, fire-crotch, what's your name? ANDROID 16: I am designated as Android 16. ANDROID 17: What are the odds? ANDROID 18: The old man did always have a one-track mind. What's your deal? ANDROID 16: I am programmed with the sole purpose of murdering Son Goku. ANDROID 18: See? This is what I'm talkin' about. ANDROID 17: I'm glad I killed him. ANDROID 16: You killed Son Goku? ANDROID 17: No, Dr. Gero. ANDROID 16: Oh... May we go and murder Son Goku? ANDROID 17: Well, ain't got nothin' better to do. ANDROID 18: So if the name of the game is kill Son Goku... ANDROID 17: Let's play. (the three androids levitate into the air) ANDROID 17: Hey, we should grab us a car. ANDROID 18: The hell do we need a car? ANDROID 17: Because I want one. (the androids fly off) VEGETA: Are--Are they flying away? Get back here! I am sick and tired of being ignored! TIEN: I wish we could ignore you... (Vegeta transforms into a Super Saiyan) TRUNKS: No, Dad! Stop! (flies in front of Vegeta and speads his arms out, blocking his path) VEGETA: Are we really doing this again? TRUNKS: I wish you'd understand...! There's no way we can fight them without Goku! VEGETA: And I wish you'd understand who you're talking to! I am Vegeta! Why would I ever need that gibbering fool's help!? TRUNKS: Because you're not as strong as-- (Vegeta punches Trunks in the stomach, causing the latter to wheeze in pain, and flies off. Krillin and Tien fly up to Trunks.) KRILLIN: You pushed the Goku button. You shouldn't a did that. (cut to Goku's house, where Goku is still screaming his head off) YAMCHA: Uh, Chi-Chi, you might wanna come in here... CHI-CHI: (from the kitchen) Sorry, hon; cooking up a storm in here. YAMCHA: This is looking kind of bad... He's screaming up a lot of blood. CHI-CHI: I'll make sure there's plenty of iron and protein in the meal. YAMCHA: And I can't really remember the last time he inhaled. And while that's sort of impressive, I don't think it's healthy. Goku doesn't have a ton of brain cells to work with as it is. CHI-CHI: Look, to be honest, it's just nice to have him in the house for a change. (Goku stops screaming and takes a deep breath) YAMCHA: Oh, good, he took a b-- (Goku starts screaming again) (cut to the androids landing on a roadside somewhere in the mountains) ANDROID 17: Alright, here's my idea: first car that comes our way, we appropriate it. ANDROID 18: Ugh, and all the way out here in the boonies. It's probably gonna be a Semi. ANDROID 17: *gasps* Oh, I hope it's a truck. What do you think, 16? ANDROID 16: Will it assist us in murdering Son Goku? ANDROID 17: I don't know. I guess you could hit him pretty hard with it. ANDROID 16: Then I too hope it is a truck. (Vegeta lands in front of the three androids) VEGETA: Well, well, well. If it isn't Faggoty Andy and On-The-Raggedy Ann. ANDROID 18: I'm going to break his arm. ANDROID 17: Kinda proving his point, ain't-cha, sis? ANDROID 18: Shut up, Ann. VEGETA: So... Which of you children wants to tangle with the Saiyan elite? ANDROID 17: Eh, I don't know... How 'bout you, 16? ANDROID 16: No. He is not Goku. ANDROID 17: Man, we need to get you a hobby... ANDROID 16: Acquiring hobby. (looks up and scans a nearby bird) Hmm. ANDROID 17: Well then, 18. Guess he's all yours. I'm on car-watching duty. ANDROID 18: Ugh, thanks. Make me fight the troll-doll. (walks up) VEGETA: So ladies first, then? Well, just to warn you... I'm not afraid to hit a woman. ANDROID 18: That's fine... Neither am I. (Android 18 goes on the offensive and tries to attack Vegeta but misses, punching a wall on the third strike. Vegeta takes advantages of this by grabbing her arm and throws her into a nearby rocky wall. The noise caused by the both of them causes the bird Android 16 was watching to fly away along with two other birds.) ANDROID 16: Aww... ANDROID 17: Hey... So was Vegeta always blonde or... ANDROID 16: The birds flew away. ANDROID 17: Oh, yeah? ANDROID 16: I liked the birds. ANDROID 17: Good for you, man. (cut back to the battle where Vegeta punches Android 18 in the face, knocking her back in midair) VEGETA: Ha! First blood! You may as well give up now and-- (Android 18 flies away) Goddamn it! I was kidding! (flies after her) (cut to an outside shot of a busy freeway before focusing on two guys in a truck. Two sounds are heard from the cargo.) CLEM: Huh? MITCH: What is it, Clem? (Clem looks out the window) CLEM: Well, you ain't gonna believe this... A couple o' Europeans are fighting on top of the truck! (camera zooms out to show Vegeta and Android 18 on top of the cargo of the truck) MITCH: Huh, that is weird. You know what else is weird? CLEM: Aw, damn it, Mitch! Put that away! (Mitch starts laughing) (cut to Trunks, Piccolo, Tien, and Krillin flying towards Vegeta and the androids) TRUNKS: (thinking) I can't believe he's taking them on alone! He has no idea the kind of destructive force they pack... The androids are humanity's greatest threat! (cut to back Vegeta and Android 18 duking it out on the freeway. Vegeta tries to punch Android 18 but she jumps out the way and he jumps after her, resulting in an upcoming black car skewering and exploding. Android 18 then jumps on top of a yellow car passing by and giggles while Vegeta powers up in anger and chases after her, exploding another upcoming red car behind him. Vegeta then tries to punch Android 18, but she jumps out of way resulting in Vegeta planting his fist inside the roof of the yellow car 18 was on, startling the driver.) VEGETA: I will kill as many people as I have to as long as you are one of them! (Vegeta jumps off of the car, which crashes onto a wall. Cut to Androids 16 and 17 back on the roadside.) ANDROID 17: Oh, hey, 18! You're back! No cars yet. (Android 18 lands on the roadside) ANDROID 18: (while Vegeta also appears back on their original area) You know, there is a freeway over there, right? ANDROID 17: Oh, I know... This is just funner. VEGETA: So, android, are you done running? ANDROID 18: I don't know. Is your mouth? VEGETA: Well, aren't you f**king clever? But wait, I have a retort! (a truck is seen moving towards the ongoing battle from behind Android 18) ANDROID 17: Aw, yeah! A tru-- (Vegeta fires an energy blast at Android 18, who jumps out of the way, so the blast blows up the truck instead) ANDROID 17: Aww... Dick! ANDROID 18: Be honest... Is this just a short-guy thing? VEGETA: You talk a lot of shit for a washing machine. And no, I'm not just saying that 'cause you're an android. I'm saying it because you're a wom-- (Android 18 headbutts him hard in the face, drawing blood under his right eye) You know what? Just for that... I'm not gonna take it easy on you anymo-- (Android 18 palm punches him into the side of a mountain) ANDROID 17: Hmm. (Trunks and the others arrive on the scene) TRUNKS: Father, are you in there!? VEGETA: (slurred from inside the mountain) Did anyone get the number of that bitch? ANDROID 18: 18. VEGETA: (slurred) Thank you. KRILLIN: You okay in there, Vegeta? VEGETA: (slurred) Eat a dick. KRILLIN: Oh, okay, he's fine. ANDROID 17: Oh, hey. Vegeta's little pals showed up. How 'bout it, 16, wanna go knock some heads? ANDROID 16: No. ANDROID 17: Whatever, man. (starts walking up towards everyone else) (Vegeta is seen walking out the side of the mountain) TRUNKS: Father! Oh, thank God you're still alive! We have to get out of here now! VEGETA: Are you kidding me? I have her right where I want her! TRUNKS: Do you live in your own little world? VEGETA: Yes. But unfortunately, I have to share it with all of you. ANDROID 17: Actually, Vegeta, you don't have to share at all. You two seem like you're having fun, so I'd hate to have to interrupt. But if any of you decide to jump in and help MC Widow's Peak over there, I will personally introduce you to the ground. And trust me, your relationship will be intimate. PICCOLO: Yeah, not exactly in a rush to help out Vegeta. I mean, maybe if it were Goku... ANDROID 16: (off-screen) Did he say Goku? ANDROID 17: Calm down, 16, he's not here. ANDROID 16: (off-screen) But I heard him mention Goku. ANDROID 17: Just focus on your birds, buddy. ANDROID 16: (off-screen) Acquiring birds. (scans for birds off-screen) ANDROID 17: He likes birds now. VEGETA: Can we stop talking about Kakarrot for just a minute?! I mean, for God's sake, he's never even around! PICCOLO: Sad thing is, he's not exactly wrong... VEGETA: Now, if you'd like to continue this fight, I can finally get around to disassembling you, you smug c**t. (shows Krillin, Piccolo, Tien, and Android 17's shocked reaction to Vegeta's insult. Android 18 is seen giving off a cold, flat stare.) ANDROID 18: (sighs and brushes her hair with her hand) Yup. (Android 18 charges at Vegeta and punches him into the air. Vegeta counters by headbutting her in the stomach and then knocks her into a mountain) VEGETA: Let's see how you handle this! (fires a huge energy blast at her) (The blast connects and blows up a chunk of the mountain. When the smoke clears, Android 18 is seen standing unharmed, but her clothes are all tattered up.) VEGETA: Does that ruffle you, android? ANDROID 18: Well, you've managed to destroy my favorite slash only jacket and ruin my leggings. So, yeah.... Ruffled's a good word. VEGETA: Well, that was only a taste of my power. Now experience my Super Saiyan WRA-- (Android 18 cuts off Vegeta mid-sentence and proceeds to beat him up before sending flying into a boulder, causing him to gurgle in pain) ANDROID 18: How quickly bravado goes out the window when you're flat on your ass. That's pretty sad... VEGETA: (powers up) Sad for YOUUUU-- (Android 18 flies forward and does a swift kick at Vegeta's left arm, causing him to squeal in pain as his left arm falls limply downward. Vegeta walks a few feet forward while holding his broken left arm and drops down to his knees.) VEGETA: FUUUU-- SEQUENCE STINGER (cut back to Goku's house with Goku still screaming in agony) YAMCHA: Forty-nine... Fifty... Fifty-one... Fifty-two... Fifty-- (Goku stops screaming) Damn, so close to a new record! CHI-CHI: (from the other room) How's he doing in there? YAMCHA: He's doing fine... (Goku resumes screaming) He's doing fine! Four... Five... Six...